The Perfection Detox by Petra Kolber

Author:Petra Kolber
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Da Capo Press
Published: 2018-08-13T16:00:00+00:00

Write a Paragraph About Your Proudest Moment

AS PERFECTIONISTS, WE ARE GOOD AT RUMINATING UPON OUR PAST, RECALLING ALL THE events that didn’t quite work out as expected. We can pinpoint with precision what exactly held us back from the ideal expectations we so perfectly envisioned, whether these obstructions were people, circumstances, or our own misjudgments.

Nonperfectionists have a slightly easier time identifying and accepting the out-of-our-control variables that impacted events of the past. They are also more effective in allowing themselves to feel hopeful about future outcomes, which for the perfectionist only brings on another set of anxieties of uncertainties to tackle. Being stuck between these two pillars—one of rumination about the past and the other anxiety about the future—makes is particularly difficult for perfectionists to develop awareness about the opportunities of the present and appreciate how far they have already come.

One of my goals in writing this book is that I wanted to share with you the tools for appreciating the past and savoring the present, as these actions will infuse your life with a dose of joy you’ve been missing. But this challenging perception adjustment is a multistep process, one that requires mindfulness, intense focus, and a positive (as opposed to negative) reassessment. Together, these steps create a new viewpoint of the pivotal moments in your life that have happened, and those that are unfolding now even though you may be less aware of them. Making ourselves more aware requires the presence of positivity, and we’ve got to do a little work to get her to join the party.

Because our negativity bias is the power player of our mind, I open every Perfection Detox workshop by inviting the audience to take a few minutes to bring to mind three strengths they have. After a few minutes have passed, I then encourage them to take this exercise a step further and write their attributes down. I offer examples ranging from “I am a talented painter” to “I am an empathetic listener,” and I tell them that there is no strength too large or too small.

Occasionally the pens begin to move right away, but more often than not, I see most participants in the audience staring at the ceiling, rolling their eyes, or scratching their heads in contemplation and a little confusion. These attendees, who have so much to offer, struggle to recognize one, never mind three of their own strengths. Now, had I opened by asking the opposite question, “What are the things in your life you think you are not good at?” I can guarantee you that the pens would hit the paper before I had finished my sentence and that the list would be long and detailed.

In this step, we will exercise a more positive mindset by looking at events (past or current) through a different portal. We will make a deliberate effort to release feelings of shame, regret, sorrow, or anger, those emotions that work to fire up the neural negativity network and zap out the more delicate lace of positive memories or thoughts.

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